Meeting Your Ex Girlfriend After A Breakup - 6 Do’s And Don’ts

Meeting Your Ex Girlfriend After A Breakup - 6 Do’s And Don’ts
By Dr. George Karanastasis March 12, 2008
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So, you haven’t seen your ex girlfriend since your breakup and now she’s asked you to meet up. You happily oblige…
You’re excited, yet nervous - full of hope, and at the same time, weary of what might happen… and rightfully so, because this is quite a crucial part of the getting back together process and [...]';
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So, you haven’t seen your ex girlfriend since your breakup and now she’s asked you to meet up. You happily oblige…
You’re excited, yet nervous - full of hope, and at the same time, weary of what might happen… and rightfully so, because this is quite a crucial part of the getting back together process and must be handled with tact.
And if you happen to be in this situation… then here are 6 do’s and don’ts (guidelines, so to speak) to ensure you make the most of this encounter…
Do #1: Maintain a lighthearted mood throughout the meeting…
Nobody enjoys being in uncomfortable situations. And this meeting with your ex girlfriend is likely to be exactly that: awkward and uneasy (especially if you haven’t seen each other in a while).
But despite this fact, it’s on you to take what could be an uncomfortable experience and turn it into a pleasant one. This is important because you want this to be the first of many more meetings… and the latter won’t follow if this ends up being a negative ordeal.
So keep a lighthearted tone, crack some jokes, and make her smile. Make this a fun encounter and more will soon follow.
Do #2: Contain your excitement…
It’s natural to be overflowing with excitement if you’ve been apart for some time and this is your first meeting since the breakup, however, keep your enthusiasm in check. The last thing you want is to give her the impression that you’ve been eagerly awaiting this meeting.
And it goes without saying that you should not tell her how much you’ve missed her! Be happy to be with her, show it, but don’t overdo it.
Do #3: Keep the meeting short…
If everything’s going according to plan and you’re finding yourselves wrapped up in interesting conversations (yet pointless as far as your relationship is concerned)… don’t make the mistake of dragging out this date until you run out of things to talk about and she tells you it’s time to go.
Keep the momentum going throughout the meeting, reach a peak, and then cut it short. You want to leave her with something to look forward to… and regarding the latter, don’t be the one to ask her for a second date. Let her take charge and ask you first.
And now for the don’ts…
Don’t #1: Get there looking like a train wreck…
Going through a breakup can take it’s toll on both your physical and mental state… sometimes to a extreme extent, however, showing up at this meeting looking like you’ve just been through World War III is not going to help your case. It’s not her pity you’re after… it’s her love.
Put on a nice pair of clothes (don’t overdo it in this department), pretty up, and get there looking like you’ve just gotten back from a nice relaxing vacation.
Don’t #2: Bring up the relationship unless she does…
Out of all the do’s and don’ts, this is probably the most important so pay close attention… after the initial round of “hello’s, how are you’s, and how have you been’s” you’ll be tempted to dive into deeper issues such as:
Where you both stand in your relationship
Why things went downhill
What’s going to happen from this day forward
It’s inevitable that the conversion will lead up to that, either in this meeting, or the next… but don’t be the one to initiate it. Your only “task” throughout this encounter is to put both of you in comfortable mood so that these issues can be properly addressed… the latter, however, has to come from her.
And this ties in directly with the final don’t…
Don’t #3: Expect too much from this meeting
It takes time to get over the hump of a breakup, put the negative feelings aside, and start over. And it’s easy to become overly optimistic about this meeting if your ex has reached out to you (especially if she’s been rejecting you for some time). Regardless of this fact… arrive (and leave) without expectations.
If she’s taken the first step towards re-establishing communication and it didn’t go as well as you hoped… then leave it at that. If you’ve followed the above advice you’ll get a chance to meet again, and each successive encounter will bring you a little closer to your goal of getting back together. But until that happens, remember… these things take time.
And finally, for more help with getting your ex girlfriend back, click here to read a free report that contains 6 actionable pieces of advice to follow throughout your breakup.
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Topics: How To Get Her Back
11 Responses to “Meeting Your Ex Girlfriend After A Breakup - 6 Do’s And Don’ts”
Dino Says: November 12th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Thank you so much for this info:) it is really good! God bless:)
alex mina Says: November 16th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
my case different she not my girlfriend.im one of her suitors, for a year already. but until now no clear answer from her if she like me or not. a last couple of day i been fight her. beacuse i fell she with someone elese. then she get mad to me very badly. she told me not call her anymore. during that time i try my best to make her calm but i faild i begging her,i say sorry but she junt ingnoring me. then lastly i told her that if you dont want to talk me, dont call me too. i have nothting to lose. and i will not run after you.
A. Says: January 13th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Dr. Karanastasis,
How can one reach you to discuss a specific situation? Can you email me and let me know?
SJM Says: February 23rd, 2009 at 3:30 am
This could of been real helpfull about 5 days ago… I was letting her know that there might be something between me and another girl, so she called me 5 days ago at 4am to talk and continiously mentioned that she loves me and wanted me to say the same to her but she also mentioned that she doesnt want to be back with me but she cant live without me…I know shes a little wack but thats why I love her! but now we had a fight over something small and she doesnt answer my calls. Look I really love her and I really need some help!
SJM Says: February 23rd, 2009 at 3:32 am
and I’m also scared that she will start dating other guys by the time she starts missing me again…I know for a fact that she weant out with someone 2 days ago (she kept it a secret from me)
100+ Resources to Get You Through a Break Up Nerds Do It Better Says: February 24th, 2009 at 5:51 am
[…] "Meet Your Ex-Girlfriend After a Breakup — 6 Dos and Dont’s: From keeping the mood light to acting cool to keeping your expectations low, this guide goes over the basic rules for meeting an ex for the first time. […]
jacob Says: February 28th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
i recently broke up with my girlfriend and it was because of me… i cheated on her a couple of times and she was good enough to forgive me…it finally fell apart when she wanted me to stop smoking and i challenged her threat… i know all of these things work already because i used to get a lot of girls that i didnt feel that strongly for… when i ignore them they try to talk to me but with my ex its different.. she is the first girl ive loved and i thought that pleading with her and telling her how things will be different will change her mind on me… it didnt… like yu said it just pushed her away further… now that ive made that mistake ill do what ive always done and play the cool even though im not…. i hope i didnt dig a hole deeper than that which i could get out of…
needadvice Says: March 23rd, 2009 at 10:32 am
Question: I broke up with my G/f one and a half years ago never had an argument but just needed some time off and no matter which way i put it i still broke her heart..
Now! since then I’ve bumped into her twice and funnily each time it’s been the night before i left for south east Asia. It’s been 6 months since i last seen her & For the last month she’s been constantly on my mind and have been missing her.
i haven’t dated anybody since her prob because i haven’t been looking/working but is this normal and what should i do?
we dated for just under 2yrs
buwa Says: March 24th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
hi! thanks for the tips. wt is the best way to set up a meeting with a ex girlfriend?
Dave H Says: April 11th, 2009 at 12:58 am
this is great advice. Underlines something important to know about women… they are looking for high status males (though status can be subjective). Being overly enthusiastic towards a woman shows that you feel you are lower value than she is.. don’t believe this! Most women are pretty insecure and what they need is support and not fawning. A belief that YOU have other options, and that YOU are high value, is a much greater stimulus to her than knowing that you love her.
CSS Says: April 26th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Its been 7 months since my breakup…me and the ex have cut off all ties and i thought id never speak to him again….well last night he invited me out to an after party which i went to…but we didnt really talk there…i wokeup to a text today of him apologizing how he wasnt really around the majority of the night…..and so on. I responded telling him it wasnt a big deal (becuz it really wasnt at all) and we laughed about stuff. 10 minutes went by and he sends me a text saying that he doesnt know why hes saying this, but he would eventually like for us to be more than just civil and we have things we need to figure out. We havent spoke in 7 months! I guess becuz we frequent the same parties/bars and all and he sees me alot? Idkno how to go about this =[
he reached out to me…which i knew took alot, and even during the relationship i would always tell him to “man up” or give in alittle….it shows alot…i just dont know what to expect, and i dont wanna get hurt again….guess if and when we hangout, i should follow these rules?